Ashtray, anyone?

So, I cheated. I had a really ugly bad day (week) at work, and I wanted a cigarette sooo bad on the way home. And I actually waited a couple of hours after I got home, but I still wanted a fresh cigarette. I think I’ve mentioned that I have an open pack of cigarettes that I occasionally take a few puffs from, maybe adds up to less than 2 cigs a week since I quit. It was open when I quit and there’s still about 5 cigarettes in there, and I have a couple of half cigarettes in my hidden stash. Since they’ve been open for weeks they’re getting a bit stale and don’t taste so hot, but I figured that was a good thing – I’d be less likely to want to smoke if they tasted crappy. But Friday I decided to hell with it, I wanted a FRESH cigarette. That would taste goooood. That I could smoke with relish and enjoyment.

I opened a new pack, and fired one up.

Boy, was I disappointed. It tasted just like the stale ones. Let me rephrase that. I was PISSED. I did not get what I wanted. (insert big sigh) And then, it was a couple of hours later, I rubbed my nose. And boy-o-boy, did my fingers stink!!! Is that what they smelled like all the time when I smoked? And I couldn’t smell it? Ick.

But really. Even when I was a non-smoker, and I’d light a cigarette for a cheap buzz, the first ½ inch would taste okay/pretty good. I didn’t even get THAT. Or the buzz. I could cry. But I’m glad I quit. I think I could actually smoke a few, like at a happy hour thing, without going back to full-blown smoking. We’ll see, I haven’t tried that yet. Because I still want one when I get in a car, or when I’m getting really stressed at work, which is almost constantly lately. I was seriously considering stealing one from Cindy on Friday. But I didn’t. I was good. I made it thru the stress. I waited for six hours. And I was disappointed. There's still 19 cigarettes in the "fresh" pack. I guess I'll give it to my friend.